A demon in skin tight jeans
Mum: Are you OK? I didn't see you a church last night or this morning?
Me: Have you become a heathen Grandma? Are you a fallen woman now do you need to be saved?
Grandma: No, no I just like to keep Him on His toes.

I’ve heard from a couple of old friends recently. 

We haven’t spoken in a while, and the conversations recently haven’t been long.

But it’s been enough to give me a warm glow and a dopey little smiley face, deep in my tummy, quietly whispering,

"friend."

Are you single?
Anonymous

tacobell:

Take a drink because you’re thirsty. 

white people: this is SO spicy
me: it's water

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!!

affection is dumb and gross 
drown me in it

first of all, who allowed me on the internet

1. wear more black
2. be meaner to boys
3. do homework maybe

if i have to text you first every single time then we aint gonna text ¯\_(ツ)_/¯